March 1

It's a new month. A new update should be on its way, hopefully including new pictures again. I thought for sure we would have a court date by now. In fact we were told it would take a lot less time than it has taken. I know all time lines in adoption are estimates and are subjective and are based on things out of our control, and even sometimes out of our agency's control, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's been emotionally difficult for me lately. I'm in an "I hate adoption and everything about it" mood. Which isn't actually true, but it is how I feel. I hate that this process takes so long and is completely out of my control. I hate that somewhere a mother had to give up a baby that she couldn't care for. I hate that she is required to appear in court to give him up again,(as though it wasn't painful enough for her the first time), I hate that there is a sweet baby boy in an orphanage on the other side of the world, that I can't hold and comfort. I hate what he is finally home he is going to be grieving the loss of everything he has known up to this point in his life.
I think those that have gone through or are going through an adoption will understand what I mean. I don't really hate adoption, and I'm so thrilled to be adding Elijah to our family, I'm just overwhelmed lately with the negative aspects of adoption. The things that we don't always see and feel and think about when we make the decision to adopt or hear of others adopting. Would I do it again? Absolutely.